The Great Akatsuki Katamari!
by Ms.Sour
Summary: It starts out as a normal day in the Akatsuki base, until a certain orange masked member of the organization decides to trip on himself and form one of the greatest Katamari balls of all time! Taken from a roleplay, done by Ms.Sour & Kao. R&R, please!


Authors comments:

I'm so sorry for not updating my fanfiction, '**Anything but a Winter Wonderland**'; but I've been busy and I've also procrastinated more than normal. So I'm updating to show that I AM** alive**.

This fanfiction is a roleplay that I'm currently doing with my best friend, **Kao**. I'll probably be able to update this pretty quickly, but still. You may also see when the other person replies, since we both have different styles of writing.  
Characters (so far) :

I play: Pein, Kisame, Tobi, Konan, Zetsu and Sasori. I also play Naruto and the ramen store people.

Kao plays: Deidara, Hidan, Kakuzu, & Itachi.

Things you may want to know:

I think that Pein is Naruto's father. I know hes not, but it also moves the plot….If one, along.

Challenge: See if you can find the "Naruto The Abridged series" reference!

By the way; before you read this….This is **raw stupidity**.

* * *

Pein yawned as he got up from his short nights sleep, due to insomnia. He groggily blinked his eyes to get a clearer picture of his surroundings:  
His office. A desk in front of him. Sitting in a chair. Name plate: Leader Sama. A scribbled mess that looked like it was made from a five year old on a piece of lined paper lay two stick figures. One had an arrow pointing to it saying: Tobee. The other had another arrow attached close to its head reading: Leeador Same. A small puddle of clear liquid laid on the desk. Apparently, he hadn't had too much sleep, again. He smelled fish already coming in the direction of the kitchen. Pein lifted his body to investigate, hoping, somehow, it wasn't like every other morning.

To his misfortune, it was.

Kisame had been preparing a giant salmon, his hands covered in fish guts. ( note that Kisame has no idea how to cook. He eats things as fast as possible; meaning raw fish. ) It must have been 6 feet long. How salmons grew that long, Pein still didn't understand.  
"...Kisame?" Pein's voice crackled, as he cleared his thought. Kisame turned around to be appeared in...an apron...

"Good morning sir! How are you--" The tall, blue man questioned as he was cut off by Pein.  
"Where did you find the money to buy that ... Thing...? " Pein pointed towards the pink fish. To his misfortune, of which he apparently has a lot of, the fish was still breathing. Pein flinched.

" Wha--? I didn't buy it! I caught it! I've been raising it for the past few weeks so it'll get big and strong! " Kisame's face grew brighter as he talked more and more about this delicious meal. Pein, however, was not so excited.

"Where did you even keep him?" Pein asked, not sure if he wanted to know the answer.

"..." Kisame was silent, as he managed to subliminally give Pein a guilty stare.

Pein sighed. " I don't even need to know...But you're smelling the whole base up; can you just make sure not to make a mess...?"  


Kisame's face brightened up. " YES SIR. " He saluted, making some fish guts fly onto Pein's face.  
"...Carry on..." Pein sighed, and walked into the living room.

There, Deidara was asleep on the couch. Lately he had been refusing to board with Tobi in the same room when he realized how comfortable the Lounge couch was. And there were no rules against it, so he slept there soundly. Why hadn't he thought of this earlier?  
Kakuzu & Hidan stood behind the couch, the former furiously punching numbers on a calculator & the latter glaring at the blond.  
Kakuzu looked up & saw Pein. " Leader! I could charge the feminine one here for sleeping on the couch. If you don't mind…" He looked down at Deidara, then returned back to the calculator. A laugh escaped from his grinning mouth.  
Hidan wasn't to be bothered with Pein's presence. He continued to glare at Dei then began to kick the couch. " You idiot! Get the hael off my damn couch, you piece of crap! I want to watch the friggin' TV!"  
Deidara simply rolled over with a groan as Kakuzu produced another calculator from the depths of his cloak & began simultaneously punching numbers on this for the damage Hidan was causing to the couch.

Pein was limping from being half asleep, half awake. He needed something to jumpstart his morning. "Yes yes..." He yawned between every few pauses. "Go ahead and--YAWWWWN charge him." He rubbed his eyes on his cloak.

"Leader saaaamaaa" A small, low, feminine voice came from a nearby door. "I have a present for youuuu" The voice called.

"Not now, Konan. " Pein grunted, as the voice sighed.

Tobi came running down the stairs flailing his arms, holding out a piece of paper.  
"SEEEEEMMMMPAIIIII!!" Tobi called from above the couch.  
"TOBI HAS MADE A MASTER PIECE!! FOR SEMPAI!! "The voice cheered.

Deidara groaned again, then sat up, leaning on his right arm, rubbing at his eyes with the front of his left wrist.  
He looked up at Tobi, his eyes cloudy.  
"Lolli... Pop?" He slurred.  
He began to half-heartedly grab for Tobi's mask, missed, then awkwardly fell of the couch. He soon learned that the rug was -- not as comfortable as the couch -- but pretty comfy.  
"FINALLY! Stupid idiots, taking up my friggin' couch!!" Hidan jumped over the back of the couch, & sat himself upon it, using Deidara's sleeping body as a foot rest.

Pein sat on the couch, as well, not knowing his feet were on Deidara's pale face. Still not knowing, he grunted. "The carpet is all...Lumpy...and moany..." He made up the word moany as he yawned a bit more.

A giant thumping could be heard from the kitchen. It was Kisame's samehada 'tenderizing' the salmon. Fish could be smelled everywhere.

"Tobi doesn't like that smell, sempai...BUT TOBI LIKES THE PICTURE HE DREW FOR YOU!" Tobi's ADD was uncontrollable, as he ran down the stairs, tripping on his cloak. "OW. OO. EE." He repeated as he turned into somewhat of a contortionist.

Konan had re-changed into her normal attire, an under shirt and her cloak was half undone as she was buttoning the rest, staring at the oncoming katamari ball that was Tobi. "EEK!" She ran like hael, but was too slow, getting run over and caught in the Tobi Domo ball of doom.  


"P--PEIN--" Konan muttered as she was rolled onto the Tobi ball. Pein was nonchalant about the whole situation, had actually poured some coffee and was now sipping it.

Deidara rolled over, then woke slightly. "Feet" he muttered when he opened his eyes. He then abruptly sat up, shoving the limbs that were upon him with a scream.  
Looking about himself, he visibly calmed, though his heavy breathing persisted.  
"Bad dream" he muttered after awhile, once again rubbing at his eyes with his wrists.  
He sniffed as his breathing shallowed & his face gave a look of disgust. "What is that _smell_?"  
He looked about for Tobi. If there was something that needed blame, Tobi was usually the way to go.  
Kakuzu sat himself in another couch, pleased with the numbers on both calculators. He planned on telling Dei & Hidan later of their expenses.  
Hidan continued to watch TV, but was now cursing to himself about how Deidara was a crappy footrest.

Konan and Tobi were now both a rolling ball of mass, going at an approximate speed of 20 miles.per.hour. Konan thought she may have been able to stop it by summoning her origami birds of doom; only to realize they were also crushed into the ball, making it bigger.  
"P--PEIN!!--LEADER--" Was all that was heard from underneath the boulder, as it appeared to be getting bigger, and whiter.

Zetsu looked up from his sleeping corner where he appeared to be a regular decorative plant.  
"What...Is that?" He finished his own sentence, staring at the human ping pong ball, looking for its next victim.

"BREAKFAST IS READYYYY!" A giant plate of salmon appeared from the kitchen, and what appeared to be a small blue figure behind it.

Rubbing his head, Deidara gave Kisame a dully unimpressed look. "Don't cook anymore" he said, pushing himself up to his feet, & gently pushing Kisame back into the kitchen.  
"Hey Dei, you friggin' woman, make us some damned breakfast -- That idiot fish makes the crappiest!" Hidan called, channel surfing now that his show was over.  
Dei turned to give him a glare. Since he has just washed his midriff shirt, he was hoping to put on an apron. If he did that now, he'd be giving the chance for Hidan to make another comment. He sighed, knowing he would just have to be careful.

Hidan stopped on a religious channel for a few seconds, muttered a long string of colorful words, then continued to surf. "Blaspheme. I'll convert you friggin' idiots to Jashin soon enough." he murmured. He tossed the remote to Kakuzu, finding nothing else of interest.  
Kakuzu changed it to (What channel? That antique show, my house is worth what?! 8D gets munies using our scam!? 8D, the price is nowhere near right so we must therefore kill your family to atone?! ... ZOOM?! 8DDDD) instantly.

Kisame's yellow eyes started to tear up. "I--I--Idiot...?" He whimpered, as he almost dropped the entire plate of fish, crying his eyes out.

Zetsu stood up from his warm spot, and just stared in wonder at the ball of rolling mass some more. What was its next move? He couldn't really decipher what the homogeneous boulder was made up of. It looked at some points like an akatsuki cloak, other parts a giant origami ball. Then he saw Tobi's mask almost float from the ball, uncovering Tobi's true face; Tobi covering his face with hands.  
"...Tobi is a good boy..." Zetsu muttered to himself.

Pein really hadn't noticed what was going on. Neither did he care. He simply sipped his coffee and stared at the glowing box, which appeared to show a boy in a small orange jumpsuit ordering ramen from a ramen store. Pein stared at the tv a bit more. Still not noticing anything.  


"Hello thar young one!" A man said from the itchiraku ramen stand.

"One Pork Ramen house special, please!" The young blond boy ordered.

"How much do you have on you?" The elderly man asked.

"...10 cents and a pet chicken..."

"WHERES YOU'RE FAMILY, WE'RE A GONNA KEEL YOU. " The cook said, grabbing a butcher knife, as the young boy yelled:  
"I DUNNO WHERE MY DADDEH IS, HE DEAD."

"..." Pein was still unaffected until he realized what was happening, and jumped up in exclamation, yelling: "THATS MY SON!! THEY'RE A GONNA KEEL MEEEE!!" His eye twitched uncontrollably.

Hidan gave Pein a glance, eyebrow raised. "Friggin' idiot," he said, taking & drinking from Pein's coffee while he was distracted.

Kakuzu gave Pein a death glare. Then he returned to watching the TV, disappointed that the kid had no family; thus no gory scenes.

Deidara ushered the crying Kisame off to the side, "Either go cry somewhere else, or help me make some eggs, un"

Dei wandered off to other shelves, taking various things out. After, he set to work making pancakes, bacon, & waffles.

Itachi emerged from his room , all dolled up looking pretty as ever >.>; & was instantly sucked into the hael that was the katamari ball.

Pein's eyes quickly hopped from one place to another in order to hopefully find a sanctuary in which he could get away from his fears--although, his eyes saw the giant ... THING rolling in their living room, his mind was thinking too quickly to rationalize what it was. Heck, for all his eyes saw, that could have been a clapping monkey; he wouldn't of seen it. He finally realized the one thing that would make him forget of his one night stand with the blond woman whos name he couldn't remember...wine. He jumped over the couch ledge and ran to drink his sorrows away until all of heaven knew he was intoxicated.

Meanwhile; Sasori had been in the bathroom. What else would a puppet be doing?  
"Eh--EH..." He plucked a nose hair from his nose.

"So--CLOSE--" He was going for nasal perfection. He had once read an article of it in a magazine. Perhaps a Cosmogirl! ?  
Perhaps. More importantly, how where those nose hairs growing?...Was it possible to turn human while a puppet? ... No...Of course not...Those hairs had always been there...Right?  
Paranoia. That was it; paranoia.  
He plucked a single last hair, not feeling any pain. "Hahahaahahhahahahaa! " He chuckled like the demented killer he was.  
"NOW...I AM...BEAUTYYYYY!!"  
The voice echoed throughout the entire Akatsuki base.  
Sasori slammed the door open, and leaned over the stairs, overlooking the living room and the dining room next to it. He snorted proudly.  


"HAHAHAHA, FOOLS. LOOK AT MY PERFECTION!!" He pointed a finger and shoved it close to his nose, poking it. "HAHAHAA, YOU WISH YOU HAD THIS. "

"Yes..." Kisame muttered from under his tears at Sasori, making him cry harder.

"TOBI WISHES -- HE WERE-- OUT OF THIS--THING!!" Tobi was pausing every few seconds, because although the ball was stopped in place, it was swinging back and forth, like it had a mind of its own; choosing where to go next.

Something clicked in Kakuzu's head.  
"Money, money, money," was all that passed through his head. Something was happening,  
He stood, & began to search for the something. Rather, _someone_.  
He saw Pein, completely soon-to-not-be-sober.  
"You'll be charged for every glass" Kakuzu said, being the money tyrant he was.

Hidan, meanwhile, noticing the urgency in which both Kakuzu & Pein had left the room, had only followed to become drunk himself. He knew full-well when Pein was going to "drink the pain away".

Dei ignored this spazzing Sasori & instead called for the lunatic, "Danna! Come & help me make eggs, un, please"  
He flipped the pancakes, turned the bacon, & placed some waffles onto plates.

I believe we all know what Itachi is doing at present.  
"WHAT -- THE -- CRAP!? -- ... -- ACK! -- MY HAIR!! -- MY NAILS!! -- ... -- MY MASCARA!!"

((What ever will happen to the Katamari ball? Where is Tobi's mask right now? Why did Pein have a one night stand with someone other than Konan?! WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO ITACHI'S MASCARA?! FIND OUT, IN THE NEXT CHAPTER OF….THE GREAT AKATSUKI KATAMARI! ))


End file.
